angelicdestiny (angelicdestiny) wrote,
angelicdestiny
angelicdestiny

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i fear that its the price of falling in love.

too many things going through my head at once and its making me craaazy. im all fucked up. i cant do things like normal people. what will i do now? i dont know. there are 412424342 i want to do, i just dont have enough time in the day. im so all or nothing about everything. either im depressed and dont want to do anything other than wait for the day to be over so i can go back to sleep, or im pissed off that i have to waste so many hours sleeping. when the hell am i gonna be normal? i want to be able to sleep like normal people again. will this happen anytime soon? doubtful. if i dont take my pills now ill be up all night. thats never good.

ive been having strange dreams lately too. most of them leave me horny, or depressed. last night i dreamt about the apartment in bellevue collapsing. i watched it crush a whole shit load of cars and people. i also dreamt that i took a train up to state street(?) in santa barbara(?). ive been there once. it ends at the beach, right? i dont know why the hell i was there but i had a lot of stuff with me. i think i was trying move up there. anyhow, i remember thinking how lucky i was to take be able to go all these different places by bus and/or train so easily. then i got jumped by two guys. one ran away, im not sure why. when the other one saw him take off he looked like he was gonna go too but not before he decided to take all my stuff with him. then i remember seeing all my clothes in a thriftstore and i didnt have any money. i woke up a few times thinking i didnt have anything clean to put on. i was sad. my favorite horny dream of all time hasnt come back. i never have the same dream twice. how disappointing.

tomorrow, i want to get off my ass and call a few people and let them know where i am. the only thing is, even if i gave everyone the number here, i would never get a phone call. we only have the one phone line and its always hooked up to the internet. im sick of being lonely, though. which, by the way. doesnt mean im desperate. a few people have made that assumption. i will never be desperate for anything ever again. im not *that* stupid. i can learn from my mistakes. i now know my weak points and how to avoid them. understood? shit, i dont even need to. im not depressed or *that* lonely anymore. if fact, i like being alone. looks like im almost back to not giving a shit (normal?). though, im sure when the right person comes along, ill warm right up ;o)
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