i just remembered jamie, so i gave him a call. his line was busy (HES GOT CALL WAITING) so i hung up and called right back. i was sure he was home after getting the busy signal and i didnt want to forget to call later. what a pimp, i swear. anyhow, i guess were supposed to hang tomorrow. its been such a looong time since ive seen him. he says he doing very well for himself these days and he sounded like hes grown a bit. if i go up there and hes really doing well and his mom is happy, ill cry. shes had to deal with sooo much from her crazy boys, her husband dying, this and that. so ill be so proud if theyre finally behaving themselves and shes not under all that stress anymore. oh, crap. i dyed the front of my hair red for xmas. that means i cant wear certain colors, which limits the amount of clothes that fit. damn. oh well. hes gonna die when he see how much weight ive put on. this visit should be interesting. i dont really feel like talking. i dont know what were gonna do. he says he just wants to kick it like old times. what the hell did we used to do? he would bug me about why wouldnt hook up with him and i would beg him not to get in trouble anymore. fun stuff. maybe we can watch a movie or something. i kinda just want to spend sometime with him and not talk about much. i dont know why i dont feel like talking. maybe i shouldnt have agreed to see him. i think im worried about something, i just cant figure out what.