angelicdestiny (angelicdestiny) wrote,
angelicdestiny
angelicdestiny

  • Mood:

wtf

i went to bed i 9pm. how the hell did that happen. fuckin aye. so yesterday, i woke up got online, spoke to glen, drove down there, hung out, ate lunch/dinner, came home, said hi to colin, then went to bed. crazy. i hit traffic on the way home from glens. that was kinda shitty cause i wasnt in the mood. so connie called while i was at glens, looks like she might be working on some film for 3 weeks and she wants me to come along. im all for that if this shop thing falls through. the thing we were supposed to do in san fransico might fall though, too. so shes gonna a talk to the dude about it tomorrow, and see if she even wants to spend 3 weeks on this in the middle of nowhere. oh. my. god. ill go through computer withdrawals :o\ my tummy hurts. i ate a shitload today though. food with glen, then my mom woke me up for mac and cheese. she said "you know when your body runs out of fat to eat itll start on you organs and itll eat your heart. youre gonna be in the car, pass out and kill a bunch of people". now i dont feel so hot. its a good thing im not bulimic cause gettig rid of whatever is inside of me sounds like a really good idea right about now. maybe this is the start of a eating disorder for me. wouldnt that be nice.



Puddle Of Mudd - She Hates Me

Met a girl, thought she was grand
fell in love, found out first hand
went well for a week or two
then it all came unglued


in a trapped trip I can’t grip
never thought I'd be the one who’d slip
then I started to realize
I was living one big lie...

she fuckin hates me
trust
she fuckin hates me
la la la love
I tried too hard
and she tore my feelings like I had none
and ripped them away

she was queen for about an hour
after that shit got sour
she took all I ever had
no sign of guilt
no feeling of bad, no

Chorus...

Duncan Sheik - Barely Breathing

I know what you’re doing, I see it all to clear
I only taste the saline when I kiss away your tears
You really had me going, wishing on a star
But the black holes that surround you are heavier by far
I believed in your confusion, you were so completely torn
Well it must have been that yesterday was the day that I was born
There’s not much to examine, there’s nothing left to hide
You really can’t be serious if you have to ask me why

I say good-bye...

‘Cause I am barely breathing
And I can’t find the air
I don’t know who I’m kidding
Imagining you care
And I could stand here waiting
A fool for another day
But I don’t suppose it’s worth the price, worth the price
The price that I would pay

Everyone keeps asking, what's it all about?
I used to be so certain and I can't figure out
What is this attraction? I only feel the pain
There's nothing left to reason and only you to blame
Will it ever change?

‘Cause I am barely breathing
And I can’t find the air
I don’t know who I’m kidding
Imagining you care
And I could stand here waiting
A fool for another day
But I don’t suppose it’s worth the price, worth the price
The price that I would pay

But I'm thinking it over anyway...

I've come to find, I may never know
Your changing mind, is it friend or foe?
I rise above or sink below
With every time you come and go
Please don't, you come and go

‘Cause I am barely breathing
And I can’t find the air
I don’t know who I’m kidding
Imagining you care
And I could stand here waiting
A fool for another day
But I don’t suppose it’s worth the price, worth the price
The price that I would pay

But I'm thinking it over anyway. I'm thinking it over anyway.

I know what you’re doing. I see it all to clear.



i really hope this lump is a cyst. its been bothering me all day. i wanna go to a doctor. im thinkin i will. if i dont get insurance by the end of this year, im just gonna go, or pay for the insurance my self. i want it gone. im so tempted to slice my nipple off and remove it myself. i wanna see what it looks like. it feels hard. it doesnt feel like it could be full of fluid, but who knows. its also not supposed to hurt, if its cancer. though i also heard that if its cancer the area around it will recede, and it does feel like some dug a ditch and threw a big rock in the middle of it. people act like its not that big, but i can hold it in between my fingertips. once we were talking about cancer in massage class and my teacher (shes also a nurse) said that i look like i have cancer. that was a great thing to say to me. i also dont thinkl it has fluid in it cause i its been hit 2323423 times and im not leaking anything. jag has elbowed me in it a few times and he used to sleep on it, so youd think itd have popped or somethin. i dont know, i just want it gone. theyre probably gonna have to remove my entire breast, i bet. i dont want fake ones.

i still feel like barfing. see this is why i dont eat. i cant even eat a whole protein bar anymore.

or not. i dont care. i said id die.

damnit. id just convinced myself it was a cyst the other day. now im all freaked out again. its funny cause im more worried about having to pay for whatever goes along with having cancer, than actually having cancer. glen thinks cancer would be good for me. id get to smoke lots of weed and maybe gain some weight. he says i look like britney spears :o\
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