July 10th, 2000

shhh

(no subject)

Crystal Ship (Doors)

Before you slip into unconsciousness
I'd like to have another kiss
Another flashing chance at bliss
Another kiss, another kiss

The days are bright and filled with pain
Enclose me in your gentle rain
The time you ran was too insane
We'll meet again, we'll meet again

Oh tell me where your freedom lies
The streets are fields that never die
Deliver me from reasons why
You'd rather cry, I'd rather fly

The crystal ship is being filled
A thousand girls, a thousand thrills
A million ways to spend your time
When we get back, I'll drop a line
shhh

(no subject)

okay, so i havent figured out my evoice number yet :o\ i signed up for it a while back when i got a flyer in the mail to keep in touch with everyone since im so lazy about email and evidently im lazy about vmail too cause i never used it :o\ i sent apriljoy vmail to see if it would tell her my account number, but it didnt just the handle. she says it will send you email with the voice message n stuff but i dont remember what email address i signed up with... IM AM SUCH A RETARD!!! :o\ i know its an easy number... like a bunch of my pager codes put together but i dont remember which ones or in what order... oh well. well maybe i will just sit here and try them all to see if i can find it or something :o) but i can still send vmail from it though so i guess ill get off my ass and do that today cause 'N ReaLiTy gave me his vmail number a few days ago and i STILL havent gotten around to sending him a message... SHAME ON ME :o\
shhh

(no subject)

Institutionalized (Suicidal Tendencies)

Sometimes I try to do things,
and it just doesn't work out the way i want it to
and I get real frustrated, and like, I try hard to do it
and I take my time and it just doesn't work out the way I want it to,
it's like I concentrate on it real hard, and it just doesn't work out,
and everything I do and everything I try it never turns out,
it's like I need time to figure these things out,
there's always someone there going,
hey mike, you know,
we been noticing you've been having alot of problems lately,
you know, maybe get away, and like, maybe you should talk about it,
you'd feel alot better,
I go no, it's ok, you know, I'll figure it out,
just leave me alone I'll figure it out, you know,
I'll just work it out myself, and they go,
well you know, if you wanna talk about it I'll be here you know,
and you'll probably feel alot better if you talk about it,
so why don't you talk about it, I go, no, I don't want to,
I'm ok, I'll figure it out myself,
but they just keep bugging me
and they just keep bugging me,
and it builds up inside,


So you're gonna be institutionalized
You'll come out brainwashed with bloodshot eyes
You won't have any say
They'll brainwash you until you see their way

I'm not crazy - institutionalized
You're the one who's crazy - institutionalized
You're driving me crazy - institutionalized
They stuck me in an institution
Said it was the only solution
To give me the needed professional help
To protect me from the enemy, myself

I was in my room and I was like just staring at the wall
thinking about everything
but then again I was thinking about nothing,
and then my mom came in
and I didn't even know she was there
and she calls my name and I didn't hear her
and then she started screaming,
MIKE, MIKE, and I go what,
what's the matter,
and she goes what's the matter with you?
I go there's nothing wrong mom,
and she goes don't give me that, you're on drugs,
I go no mom, I'm not on drugs, I'm ok, I'm just thinking,
why don't you get me a Pepsi?
She goes, no, you're on drugs,
I go mom, I'm okay, I'm just thinking,
she goes no, you're not thinking, you're on drugs,
normal people don't act that way.
I go mom, just get me a Pepsi please, all I want is a Pepsi,
and she wouldn't give it to me,
all I wanted was a Pepsi, just one Pepsi,
and she wouldn't give it to me, just a Pepsi.

They give you a white shirt with long sleeves
Tied around you're back, you're treated like thieves
Drug you up because they're lazy
It's too much work to help a crazy

I'm not crazy - institutionalized
You're the one who's crazy - institutionalized
You're driving me crazy - institutionalized
They stuck me in an institution
Said it was the only solution
To give me the needed professional help
To protect me from the enemy, myself

I was sitting in my room and my mom and my dad came in
and they pulled up a chair and they sat down, they go,
mike, we need to talk to you,
I go okay, what's the matter?
They go me and your mom,
we been noticing lately you've been having alot of problems,
and you've been going out for no reason,
and we're afraid that you're going to hurt somebody,
and we're afraid you're gonna hurt yourself,
so we decided that it would be in your best interest
if we put you somewhere where you could get the help that you need,
and I go,
wait, what are you talking about,
we decided? my best interest?
How do you know what MY best interest is?
How can you say what MY best interest is?
What are you trying to say?
That I'm crazy?
When I went to your schools,
I went to your churches,
I went to your institutional learning facilities.
So how can you say I'm crazy?

They say they're gonna fix my brain
Alleviate my suffering and my pain
But by the time they fix my head
Mentally I'll be dead

I'm not crazy - institutionalized
You're the one who's crazy - institutionalized
You're driving me crazy - institutionalized
They stuck me in an institution
Said it was the only solution
To give me the needed professional help
To protect me from the enemy, myself

It doesn't matter, I'll probably get hit by a car anyway.
shhh

(no subject)

i just saw a bug... I HOPE IT WAS A SPIDER!!! ive seen squished roaches in this building on the sidewalk... if it was a roach im gonna die... why would it come in to my house... i think it came in through my window cause the frame is broken... BUT DONT THEY KNOW I DONT HAVE ANY FOOD!!! its fuckin hot and now i cant have my window open... im gonna die!!! THIS IS WHAT I GET FOR HAVING TO LIVE IN THE FUCKING GHETTO!!! :'o(