December 15th, 2001

shhh

"fuck life"

thats what my mom wrote in the dust on the tv screen with her finger. i feel like im living with a nutty adolescent. ive gotta get out of here. she would decided to kill herself just as im about to be done with her and also while im still in her house. just my fuckin luck. its just my luck shes lived so long too. anyone else would have crocked by now. she lives off of coke-a-cola and chocolate, then tries to tell me shes not fat because she doesnt do anything other than sit on her ass and eat junk food. she tries to tell me she has some sort of medical condition. yeah, right. if she had any type of disabling medical condition she wouldnt have had to apply to ssi as many times as she did. they kept telling her there was nothing wrong with her and she needed to get a job, but she just kept going to other shrinks. probably ended up faking some mental disorder so they would start sending her checks. shes just a big ole fat nutty bitch who blames everything on the world. noting is everything her fault, ever. sometimes she takes these little classes at different places so its looks like shes thinking about getting a job, but she always quits them and says they were no good. yeah, right. what does she think? because they havent turned her in to a genius there must be something wrong with the program? they are theses silly one day a week programs that teach people things like typing n shit like that. people who dont speak english take these classes and do well. how the hell can she fuck these up? other times its "this person is crazy". everyone is crazy to her. im crazy, the neighbors are crazy, anyone she talkes to on the phone is crazy. i keep telling her "ever think it might be you?". then its "fuck you, this and that". ugh. would she just fuckin die already. i fuckin hate her. shes managed to make just about everyone who has ever met her, hate her. her family wants nothing to do with her. i want nothing to do with her. her "friend" doesnt have anything to do with her. sometimes i feel sorry for her but that only last a minute. i can only forget for that long.

at least i can say "its my fault i didnt get good grades in school", its my fault i didnt even show up most of the time", its my fault im unhealthy and getting fat", "its my fault i fucked up my hair, teeth & skin", "its my fault i dont have an apartment today", "its my fault i dont have a better car", "its my fault i didnt do better on previous tests and even the ones i took this week (not sure how well i did yet, but im sure i could have done better)". lots of things are my fault. nothing has ever been hers. if i dont end up with the type of live i desire that will be my fault too. she should have aborted me too, but then who would she blame her crappy life on?

k, i think im done with this. i hope she doesnt come in here again. i need ear plugs.
  • Current Mood
    annoyed annoyed
shhh

woohoo

my mom told me i couldnt use the phone today then decided to tell me i could at the worst fuckin time. not having locks on your door is great :o\

so jamie called a few times while i was in the shower. i thought "great, the one time the phone line isnt tied up, he calls to bitch me out". well turns out he got home late that day and couldnt get through till today. so when i called him back, as soon as he got on he was all apologetic. hahaha. good thing he started before i did, or else he would have known i flaked on him anyway. today i just said i couldnt go cause i was gonna make dinner and study for my tests. he bought it. says hell call tomorrow and see whats up. GOOD LUCK GETTING THROUGH. hahaha. not that i dont like him, but i dont know. i dont really want to go over there and hang with him and his homies. most of them are ok but some seem to get disappointed when they come over and im around cause then hes like "im gonna spend some time with naomi, call me tomorrow" and they have to go find somewhere else to hang or someone else to go do guy stuff with. IM A COOL CHICK. I SAID OK TO FISHING THAT ONE TIME. its fucked cause his house is like the place where people go. all hours of the day people just show up. also, his brother is there right now. his brother gets (used to, at least) really jealous when i go over cause he wants to spend time with jaime, and jamie would want to spend time with me. i swear jamies brother keeps getting taller. i remember when i was taller than him. i hardly recognize him, these days. when i called back he answered the phone as was like "is this naomi?" then he was like "hey, whats up? how are you???" and i had no idea who i was talking to. he was like "oooook. fine!" i was like "oh my god, your voice is so much deeper". heh. it is, though. i think hes 18 or 19 now. when i first met him he was like 10 or 11? maybe 12. god, im fuckin old. oh, well. maybe ill go over there in a week, or something. so they can spend some time together. then no one will be pissy while im around.

damn, i want to go shopping. i keep seeing things that i want, but its all house stuff and i dont have one :o\ things for the kitchen, n stuff like that. i also want to go get pictures taken with santa. ive been wanting to do that forever. maybe this year. what should i wear? i could wear this red thing. though, i dont think it would match the red in my hair. black always works. i think i just want a reason to get all dressed up for xmas. I WANNA GO TO A XMAS PARTY, DAMNIT. yeah, thats it. i want to get all dressed up in xmas colors and glitter. i want a tree too. when i get my own place im gonna go buy myself a little table tree and collect pretty little ornaments to put on it.

heyyy. i was supposed to get pictures taken with both jamie and stuart. never did with either. maybe i can drag one of them with me to visit santa. probably jamie. stuarts girlfriend probably wouldnt like it much if i took pictures with him. ooo, ive gotta meet the girlyfriend. i wonder if shes had the baby yet.

my tummy hurts :o\

i guess i should read. not that ill be paying attention to what im reading, or anything like that. fuckin boring. stupid 3.0. oh well.

whoa, i just looked at my buddy list. only one person is on. it must be saturday night. heh.
  • Current Mood
    hungry hungry