December 23rd, 2001


i talk to myself like this all the time. isnt it great? :o\

one of the worst things ive ever had to wake up to is my mothers voice. i must have kicked the mouse or keyboard while i was sleeping and the modem started dialing out. my mom heard that and started screaming. i dont know why she cant just say "i want to use the phone" or 'im waiting for a call" instead its "GET OFF OF THE FUCKIN PHONE@#$!$!@ *MORE SCREAMING FOR THE NEXT THREE MINUTES IN THE OTHER ROOM* BLAH BLAH BLAH" the sound of her voice struck evey nerve in my body and made me want to rip all my hair out. especially since i was still half asleep. i just want to feel relaxed. i cant believe that is to much to ask. she is always freaking out and screaming at me from the other room.

so this is the plan. get a job sometime in the near future. save, save, save, as much as i can. get another credit card, maybe. get the hell out of here. if its hard for me to find an apartment because of the fact that i havent been working very long, ill suck a few grand out of the credit card. then ill just pay the first six months and make the payments on the card. id rather pay the interest than feel this way anymore. so pay off my car and rent that is on the credit card, insurance, cell phone, apartment stuff like electricity and water. oh, and buy a tv and get cable/dsl. and that should be it. damn, thats a lot of money. oooook. then once the credit card is paid off i should start paying off my loans. so maybe in a year ill be to where i im not completely broke. maybe next xmas. so once everything is paid off and im living like semi-normal person i can either decide wether or on i want to go to school some more or if i just want to work work work my ass off. ill probably want to go to school some more. either way ill probably need a new car by then so as soon as everything is paid off ill save a bit and get myself a new car. then once that is pretty much paid off ill start saving big time. by then i should have been working for a while and have most of my major stuff paid off, i hope. then i can start saving for a house/townhouse/condo. condo i think. i imagine it would be a less expensive than the other two. ill have to look into that. so pay that off, then worry about a house. i figure by then ill be old and want a family n all that. ooo, bet ill be able to adopt by then too. wait a second, what about the condo? i just paid that fucker off. hahaha. hrm. guess i could sell it or rent it out. then what. dont know. money sucks. what a pain in the ass it is. oh, i forgot about moving. i dont think i want to live here forever. hrm. guess ill need to trow some traveling in to the mix somewhere and pick a place to call home. maybe when its time to buy the house ill know where i want to live. there ya go. anyhow, thats kind of what my plan looks like. its a shame nothing ever goes as planned. i also forgot to find myself a man during all that. hahaha. oops. i suppose one might be needed to have a family, huh? damn :oP

oh boy, there she goes again. woohoo.

i keep making "friends" only journal entires and i dont know why. see? i am going insane :o\

in a week i should be less nutty. lets hope so. i think this is just a bad time of month/year for me. yeah, thats it. cause im not usually this nutty. uh huh.
  • Current Mood
    irritated irritated

its freakin cold.

alright, im off. M said it was a nice day outside and i said id check it out, so i am. gonna go to the store then over to jamies house (if driving doesnt freak me out too much). were gonna cuddle, i think. its been a long time. hope the fucker takes a shower first. miss me, ok? bbye.

looks like im not going unless there is a change in everyone plans. ive got some things i have to do, so i will get to see what the world looks like in daylight but i aint going out to jamies after. damnit. and i was lookin forward to cuddles.

what a shame.
  • Current Mood
    bored bored

hi, honey. im home.

i think ive gotten over my fear of driving. woohoo. i drove pretty far today and didnt freak out. now i wanna go somewhere. hahaha. where should i go!$#!@#$!#@$! anyhow, you can count on me to spend a little over 100$ every time i leave the house, i swear. i didnt buy too much. i bought a blanket and a little stuffed reindeer. ill take a picture with my newest family member in a second. what else did i get. some food. if you wanna call it that. some booze. lots and lots of feminine products so i dont run out anytime soon. aaand... i think thats it. i didnt get much, but what i did get wasnt cheap. im all bent cause they didnt have what i went out there for. ah, well. it was nice when i went out but now its just dark and cold. i like when its raining or there are tons of houses with pretty lights on to drool at. i didnt seem many house with christmas lights on the way home :o\

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  • Current Mood
    hungry hungry