November 7th, 2002

shhh

so when you say that you need me

that youll never leave me
i know youre wrong, youre that strong
let me go

long time no post, eh? ok so prissy bitch gave me shit, so i didnt go over there. went to gerras instead. he rules hardcore. he was not only down for whatever, and took me to dinner. next day went to scotts. met rex, who is very cool. ended up making scott pack, went to dinner, then wanted to sleep instead of doin make-up, did a bit but ended up drinking, then wanting to go home. took off, called jag to make sure i didnt pass out (thanks homie) cause its a loooooong drive. my tire blew out and my shock broke half way home. i thought i hit something and my engine was gonna fall out, cause it was making craaaaazy noises, and i couldnt get any speed. ended up sitting by the side of the road for a bit waiting for scott, then some freeway assistance guy pulled up and changed my tire (fo free. whew!). drove home, called the shop and told them what happened and that i wouldnt be able to come in. slept, woke up cause people kept calling. talked to tom for a bit. he threatened me with food, so i went over there. hung out, watched tv, ate pizza. i was surprised cause the last time i was there the place was empty. its not so empty anymore, and it was pretty fuckin clean. it was always a fuckin mess when i was staying with them in norwalk. anyway, go tom. he tried getting me to go to a bar, but i was like, "i gots to clean". came home, thought about cleaning, but decided to sleep till about 4am. been freezing my ass off ever since. i finally put a jacket on and shut the window. now i might actually do something.

speaking of freezing. someone find me a boyyyfriend. i need someone to keep my ass warm. i like em skinny, and tall. not toooooo tall, but tall is good. depends. i dont like em lookin like a monster. teeth need to be decent. crooked and over lapping teeth is sometimes cute. though, i like em straight on top, and kinda fucked on the bottom is best. lets see, what else. hair really depends. hrm. nice skin. decent nose. i was gonna say i dont like big noses, but thats not true. i dont like wide noses. big and long are sometimes ok. even crooked. i dont like em fat, though. eyes cant be too close together. ive only considered one guy with close set eyes. though, eyes that are too wide set is bad too. everything needs to be balanced. i usually dont think guys with hardly any eyelids are cute, thought there have been a few exceptions. ok? let the mission begin. find me a man before it gets too cold. oh, yeah. guys who love to nap a lot, get extra points. sweet, funny guys get big time bonus points. personality is really something im gonna have to assess. so just find me a decent lookin guy. oh yeah, i like em with a neck. muscles are ok, but not if theyve over done it and dont have a fuckin neck. yucko. guys with bigs hands and feet are ok. id rather have em big, than with nubs. oh yeah, i can not stand liars. that is the biggest turn off ever. people who lie and let me down. disgusting. i hold a grudge.

speaking of liars, why the fuck is everyone lying to me lately. dumb ass lies too. "shall i get a condom so i can make love to you?" my response was "PFFFTHAHAHAHHA". at least he corrected it with "so i can fuck you". heh. oh, and stupid scott, "theyre not kickys, theyre pinch marks" haaaaaahahahahaha. like i give a fuck. i wonder how long its gonna take before the chicks hes seeing now is gonna forbid him to have contact with me. she wouldnt come over while were were there. he sho knows how to pick em. and who the hell gives hickys these days? thats was sooooo 7th grade. hehehe. hrm. i should be nice. i dont really know her yet. maybe shes alright. sometimes its just too easy. hrm, damnit. i had other lies i wanted to make fun of, but i went off on a tangent and cant remember em.

man, yall niggas better watch out. im about to be on my mothafuckin rag *and* i think im sick. my throat sorta hurts and ive been sneezing. plus im bored. i wanna fight. come on, fight with me. ill take all yall down. though, if you find me a nice boyfriend i promise to be good. find me an asshole and ill fuck with him outa boredom. wait, i didnt say that aloud. well, at least im honest. it really depends on my mood. id only do it if i was pissed. not just because. promise. are you stupid enough to believe me? hahaha :ox

youll have to excuse the weirdness. im in a mood. whats weird is, its not a bad one. think im just bored. im actually pretty fuckin happy, cept for when i think about money, or have to listen to my moms voice.

time to clean.

did i mention people who think theyre goth n shit like that are lame. oh so very fuckin lame. do they not realize the world is laughing at them, and the only people who think theyre cool, are pathetic and defective? now that im thinking about it, so are witches. guess that goes hand and hand with being goth sometimes, but i should probably keep my mouth shut, before some nutjob tries to do some evil shit to me. ohhh, no. COME ON, GIVE IT YOUR BEST SHOT. ILL EVEN SEND YOU HAIR AND TOENAIL CLIPPINGS. WHATEVEA YOU NEED. IM STRONGER AND MORE POWERFUL THAN YOU, SUCKA. whats funny is people who are really in to that stuff, love me. always trying to get me involved. people who are freaked out by that stuff, are sorta freaked out by me. not that they dont like me, they just dont wanna piss me off. it be true. ever since i was little. ooo, maybe theres something i dont know about. i did want someone dead for a bit, then he died. but im thinkin that was the cancer. though, you dont hear of many teens dying of cancer. cancer is icky. bet i have cancer. stupid lump. jag was always nice enough to put his big head on it, and elbow me in it a few times. he was also nice enough to have me soak my ands in acetone, because of his fuckin hooker nail fetish. he better pray its only a cyst, and that i can still have kids, or im gonna be pissed. oh, hahaha. my mom says when i get really pissed theres hardly any white to my eyes. oh, yeah. shes looney toons. wouldnt that be funny, though? shes also started to say shit then said, "ill tell you when youre ready", aaaaaand she buys me books on wicca. in fact, those are the only types of books shes ever given to me.

the bleach blonde guy on buffy is hot. i liiiiiiike him.

ok, ok. clean now. stop distracting meeeee.
  • Current Mood
    blah blah
shhh

success is my only mothafuckin option, failures not

so here i go, its my shot. feet fail me not. this maybe the only opportunity that i got.
you better lose yourself in the music, the moment
you own it, you better never let it go,
you only get one shot, do not miss your chance to blow
this opportunity comes once in a lifetime.

lets clarify. jacked up teeth (crooked) are alright, but not too jacked up. the first 4 or at least 2 should be decent. i dont care if they have funny fangs or somethin. bottom teeth can be a mess. as long as the smile is good. also, poor is ok. id rather be happy, than waste time on some asshole for any period of time. hrm, what else. white ok, rosacea bad. hrm

i just figured out why my throat hurts. all the screaming i do in my car. every time a song i like comes on im like "awwwyea", and sing along at the top of my lungs. the worst is when i get in my car early, cause the radio is all the way up, and im usually not ready for it. heh.

im bored and trying to avoid doing anything productive. this is bad. badbadbad. i gots my coffee. i gots my music. why wont i walk away from the computer just for a bit? its like crack.

hahaha

jp: so
xangelicdestinyx: so
jp: I read your post just now
jp: journal
xangelicdestinyx: thats nice
jp: lol, you are all mad at me
jp: whatever
xangelicdestinyx: im sorry, did you want me to jump up and down for joy?
jp: i dont care what you do
jp: what was interesting is now amusing
xangelicdestinyx: thats good
jp: maybe

po g0sh.

g0sh: I THOUGHT YOU WERE DEAD
xangelicdestinyx: hahaha
xangelicdestinyx: not yet
g0sh: scaaaaaaaaarrrrryy

revelations. maybe id get something done today.

burnout289: i think you should come over and have some cookies
xangelicdestinyx: MOVE CLOSER
burnout289: bah!
burnout289: quit yer whining
burnout289: just a short walk....
xangelicdestinyx: uh huh
burnout289: for about 3 days....
burnout289: you are just soooo negative
xangelicdestinyx: im not tweekin
burnout289: mebbe you should be!
burnout289: lol
xangelicdestinyx: pffft
xangelicdestinyx: the last thing i need is to be spun
xangelicdestinyx: wait
xangelicdestinyx: that actually might be good for me
burnout289: haha

oooooook

jp: ohh
jp: so you accept bad teeth
jp: mine are actually GOOD
jp: i go to the Dentist
xangelicdestinyx: i didnt say rotting
xangelicdestinyx: did i
jp: nope
jp: did I
  • Current Mood
    calm calm