November 21st, 2002

shhh

i just got home.

breathing in chemicals all day looooooong (no filters for the gas masks). who the fuck cares. i told them about how i used to soak my hands in acetone, cause they freaked when they saw me using acetone to take polyester off my skin. so, yeah. looks like im not gonna be able to have kids. to top it off, the faggot (jag) called me while i was workin. i was gonna let it go to vmail, but i figured i pick up and get rid of him.

so no new news on cute boy, other than he seems cool. smoked wit him a bit, so we actually got to have a mini conversation. i thought for a minute he had a date tonight, cause he was dressed up pretty nice, but he stayed late sculpting off the clock. oh, when he left, i was kneeling behind a table and he made a point of saying good bye *to me*. said my name n all. awwwwwwwwyea ;o) cute white boy :oP

im hungry. ate a bit of pizza at work. almost got beer, but jason didnt have cash on him. think i can get drunk at the shop (off of one beer. ha!), then somehow get cute boy to take care me alllllllllll niiiiiiiight loooong? haaahahahahha. !$!@$!@$#!@$@#!

oh, yeah. we talked about moving. he said he wants to get his own place (has roommates) and "settle down". haaahaha. i know what he meant, but you dont say shit like that to girls. maybe he wants to marry me already. damn, im smooth :oP
  • Current Mood
    hungry hungry
shhh

damn

i was up until 4am chatting with the hizzoe. ive got a date this weekend ;o) how the hell did i wake up?

oh, dan. jaz says we should be together cause wed make a good couple with her "out of the way". so, um, "im takin over" :oP unless she stops being a silly hizzoe, and saying crazy shit like that when shes delirious at 4am. you two silly kids, play nice :o*

ive got a post brewing, but im thinking of becoming one of those filtering type of people. then i can run my mouth till no and end, not worry about who is gonna flip their lid. *teehee*. oh, yes. sounds like fun. plus, less drama fo meeeeee. i started it last night, but cute boy took over my brain and i ended up giddy till i passed out.

man, i really like work, but i think all the chemicals are getting to me. i dont feel so hot. it figures. the one time i like doing something, and being somewhere, its likely to kill me. once i finish this internship, im gonna go make me some bank. probably doing massage. maybe, massage and make-up. then i wont get so bored. shit, maybe ill get a perm gig doing both. maybe somethin entirely different. though, aromatherapy and good music are sounding really good right about now. plus, itll build up the muscles in my legs. those could use some work. so, no mo freelance. gotta pay off this credit card. gotta move. gonna buy stuff i want/need. gots to get ooon.

so much crap i want/need to do. im gonna be so happy someday. im figuring it all out. i think i know what needs to happen for me to be nothin but happy. awwwyea.

damn, i just looked at my hands. my nails are industrial strength. theyd been getting long, and there holding up fine. just one minor chip that could be filed down. its not gonna mess up my nail or anything. they need to be filed again anyway.

ok, im gonna go see about food. then be on my way. bye bye, crazy people.
  • Current Mood
    thirsty thirsty
shhh

NIGGA, SAY WHAT?$!?@$@?!#?

things i learnt today:

cute boy has a 1) daughter 2) girlfriend?

i am gonna fuckin cry if i find out hes got a girlfriend. ive almost decided hes good people. please let him be at least single so dont fell like a moron with a crush on a guy who is taken, or let him be stupid and/or an asshole. i dont think he has a girlfriend, but i think he and jim may have been talking about it. im not sure. i couldnt hear what they were saying, even though i was standing right there. fuckin scott was sawing fiberglass!@$#!$@!

good thing im the intern, and can stop showing up when ever i feel like it. its not like im committed. not that ill stop going, but its nice to know i can come and go as i please, since i might need a week off to cry.

i should have stayed and played with the airbrush some more, but i took off early (this is early? heh). cute boy and jason are still probably there. tomorrow i think ill stay late. i think cute boy will too. he wanted to finish that sculpture by friday, and he seemed unhappy with it when i left. im thinkin, there is noooooo wayyyyyyy he could have a girlfriend. why would he spend so much time at the shop if he did? i dont know. he did get a phone call, and for some reason i couldnt understand who jason said it was when he told him to get the phone. thats the only call ive seen him get, and it was after hours. i dont know if it was a personal call, or someone at the shop. im thinkin personal. man, im nosey. funny how everything that has to do with cute boy and a possible girlfriend gets muffled for some reason. like atmosphere is trying to protect me, or something. damnit. hes got to have a girlfriend. why wouldnt he, hes cute boy.

ahhh!$#!@#$!$!@#! just shoot me. its this not knowing shit thats driving me nuts. if i knew, then id know. i know he likes me as a friend. I JUST WANNA KNOW IF HE COULD *LIKE ME*. if not, ill stop drooling over him and find someone else to be obsessed with. $!@$#!!@$@#! i cant just ask him. how the hell am i gonna get him on the subject. also, now that he might have talked about a girlfriend in front of me, i cant really flirt. if i knew, or just didnt know, then i could, but if hes said soemthing infront of me, and i go and get all cute n shit, thatll be disrespectful and ill look like an ass. fuuuuuuuuuuckin aye.

work tomorrow. hopefully ill find out. then if he does have a girlfriend, i can grieve over the weekend and be ok by monday :oP

in other news. ive won scotts heart. hes now throwing clay at me while im working. i was sooo not in the mood (see above) so i was like, "wtf, we married now? harassing (what i meant was "annoyong" but didnt want to go that far) me n shit". jim said, "like an old married coulple". scotty is nice, but, uh... no. anyway, hes got a girlfriend and a baby. im glad he likes me (not like that!), though. hes a good guy. all those guys seem to be. i was telling jason "youve got a really good group of guys here". jason for example, made a big deal about driving me to my car. i was like, "wtf im parked right there". he was like, "ITS DARK OUT". im gonna miss them when theyre/im gone.
  • Current Mood
    hungry hungry