February 5th, 2003


i burnt the roof of my mouth

dont think ive ever done that before. not fun at all.

i keep calling that place to see if i scheduled to work, but i keep getting their vmail, and no one has called me back. they made the schedule on sunday. i went out and forgot all about em till i came home on monday. im thinkin what if they had me down for monday and i didnt know. haaahahaha, thatd be fucked. anyway, ive been calling em since, and no one has called me. oh well.

so i figured out why james reminds me of matt. its their profiles. the way they smile at people theyre talking to. also probably the fact that i have to look up at them cause theyre so damn tall. skinny too. maybe even the hair. or something?

oh, i told jag about how the "entertainers" split the money with the service, and now hes decided he could get rich quick doing it. but more importantly, he thinks hell get to sit around in a room full of hot chicks with fake tits and nails. "theyll love me, im cute". how disgusting. thats his motivation. he couldnt see me saying what hed make more money doing cause he was to busy drooling over visions of whores. "ill get students". why the fuck would students want to do that crap. if theyre in school, youd think theyd have more going for them than that. if theyre willing to do this crap while theyre in school, why would they even continue on? cause they look forward to working real hard someday to make the same type of money, or probably less? there ya go. anyway, jag now reminds me of this slimie short brown dude from grease i used to work for. always tryin to make a whore out of young girl. yuck.

dude, seriously. yuck on jag. yuck on jay. omg, yuck on just about everyone who has ever touched me. god damn, no more!@#!$#@! where to i find these people. ewwww!@$!#@$#@!

also, when i was wondering how long jays been been callin those chicks, i remembered a time when he said to me "you know... money is no object, as long as you keep me happy", and i remember thinking he wanted he to be his whore. thats what it felt like, anyway. little did i know it was the fuckin truth. so what was up with his asking me to marry him bullshit. yuuuck.


he must have been like "i wanna keep this one around". oh, man thats all 110% ick. thank god for condoms. ewww. no more "im gonna fuck someone i dont know" phases for me. hrm. oops.

james cant get me knocked up. hes been neutered. yay. hahaha :oP

haha: i just noticed something. the only time i fuck anyone is when i dont know them, and im in one of my "i need to be fucking someone" moods*. it seems if i get to know the person, they dont have a chance.

more haha: was takling to james about stuff, and he was sayin how its funny how people used to date eachother for a while, to find out if the other person could be someone theyd wanna be with, but nowadays people fuck first, then decide if they like the person later. id been going about it all wrong! :oP

oh man, seems that i may be doomed :o\ should i laugh or cry? im not sure yet.

*that only happened once, and i remembered what triggered it. my friend is a big ole slut. fucks everything. i guess when you go through so many guys youre bound to find a few decent ones. some of these guys were really sweet and good looking, what they were doing with her, ill never know. anyhow, i was all bent cause her luck was better than mine (sorta. my "luck" isnt bad, i just chose the wrong ones. or i spend so much time thinking about shit, then the ones that might have been ok meet someone else wholl give em the time of day, and im like "damn!") so i thought "i should just fuck potentials and eventually ill like someone". so a few days later i met jay. he seemed cool. smart and funny. didnt bone him the night we met, but fairly soon after. then i ended up dating him for a bit, and bein unhappy cause hes a major jerk. he was yucky. his eyes were dead, and he was bitch about everydamnthing. so that was that. seeing as that didnt work out so well, i went back to trying to get to know people beforehand, but that doesnt seem to work either. doomed i tell you.
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