angelicdestiny (angelicdestiny) wrote,

  • Mood:

weep not for the memories.

getting myself deeper in debit, is kida fun. i know im fucking myself over, but i dont care. i need things and i need em now. im always waiting, but not anymore. ill make things work. ill be poor forever, but thats just fine. im gonna reward myself for being me even though im about to make myself ~20,000$ in debit. what should i do? where should i go? i wanna go on vacation. take a trip somewhere while i can. or maybe i wanna just do simple for myself like have dinner at a nice restaurant, or maybe i want a gift. who cares anymore, right? im already in debit. whats a few hundred more $$$?

while im here...

im on aim chattin with deb and were talkin about men, cause were chicks n stuff. anyhow, i need to remind myself that looks dont mean much.

once upon a time there was this guy who liked me and and i was like "pffft" cause he wasnt super good looking (I WAS IN 8th GRADE, OK?). then i ended up in some classes with him and realized what a great guy he was. but because im retarded and shy, i just sat there like and idiot studying him. he liked someone at the time i just wasnt sure if it as still me. now i know it was but i was far to shy to walk up to some guy (even if i know they used to have a thing for me) and say "you like me, dont you?". well, actually. i could do that to someone i dont like. someone i dont want, i can joke with and talk about whatever. just not someone i have a crush on. so that got all fucked up. i didnt tell anyone i liked him for about a year. i ended up telling my bestfriend (who was also one of his bestfriends) that i liked him, in hopes thatd hed spill the beans for me (even though i told him not to), but he never did. which i thought was strange, but then just figured that he didnt want to share me or that hed be jealous if eric got to be with me and he didnt. which also might be the reason why jaime does his best to keep me away from one of his friends that i happen to be *real* fond of. heh. anyhow, i had to tell other people so that it would get back to him and when it did, he said something about us being friends now. which was true. silly boy broke my heart :o\ it doesnt seem like it from the way im saying things here, but i really liked that guy forever. he was probably the first time i ever felt that way about anyone. well there was victor, but that was something else. he was more like a brother. when eric left school i kept his folder. even the pieces of people he doodled on. i saw him at the park with lourdes after a while after he left our school and i couldnt walk. it felt like i was dying. i literally fell to the ground and it was hard to breath. we finally got around the block to victors house and i had to lie down. if you ask her about that day, she laughs so hard. hahaha. it was like id just had a seizure. i also nearly killed a friend of mine a few years later when i found out he had been in town and no one told me. i was nutty about this guy. so sad. i got rid of his stuff, though. its been almost 10 years. i feel so old. he was very special to me. i hope hes doing well.

anyway, back to what i was supposed to remember. looks arent *that* important. good people come in all types of funny lookin packages :oP

the end.
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