thats what my mom wrote in the dust on the tv screen with her finger. i feel like im living with a nutty adolescent. ive gotta get out of here. she would decided to kill herself just as im about to be done with her and also while im still in her house. just my fuckin luck. its just my luck shes lived so long too. anyone else would have crocked by now. she lives off of coke-a-cola and chocolate, then tries to tell me shes not fat because she doesnt do anything other than sit on her ass and eat junk food. she tries to tell me she has some sort of medical condition. yeah, right. if she had any type of disabling medical condition she wouldnt have had to apply to ssi as many times as she did. they kept telling her there was nothing wrong with her and she needed to get a job, but she just kept going to other shrinks. probably ended up faking some mental disorder so they would start sending her checks. shes just a big ole fat nutty bitch who blames everything on the world. noting is everything her fault, ever. sometimes she takes these little classes at different places so its looks like shes thinking about getting a job, but she always quits them and says they were no good. yeah, right. what does she think? because they havent turned her in to a genius there must be something wrong with the program? they are theses silly one day a week programs that teach people things like typing n shit like that. people who dont speak english take these classes and do well. how the hell can she fuck these up? other times its "this person is crazy". everyone is crazy to her. im crazy, the neighbors are crazy, anyone she talkes to on the phone is crazy. i keep telling her "ever think it might be you?". then its "fuck you, this and that". ugh. would she just fuckin die already. i fuckin hate her. shes managed to make just about everyone who has ever met her, hate her. her family wants nothing to do with her. i want nothing to do with her. her "friend" doesnt have anything to do with her. sometimes i feel sorry for her but that only last a minute. i can only forget for that long.
at least i can say "its my fault i didnt get good grades in school", its my fault i didnt even show up most of the time", its my fault im unhealthy and getting fat", "its my fault i fucked up my hair, teeth & skin", "its my fault i dont have an apartment today", "its my fault i dont have a better car", "its my fault i didnt do better on previous tests and even the ones i took this week (not sure how well i did yet, but im sure i could have done better)". lots of things are my fault. nothing has ever been hers. if i dont end up with the type of live i desire that will be my fault too. she should have aborted me too, but then who would she blame her crappy life on?
k, i think im done with this. i hope she doesnt come in here again. i need ear plugs.