i think i want to move. well, no shit. but i mean far, far away. maybe i just wanna travel or something. i need to be able to make a living anywhere so i dont feel stuck. im gonna have to look in to things. i wish i were rich so i could just do whatever i want. becoming rich its such a looong process :o\ i dont even want to be rich. i want to feel good/safe. like i want my own fuckin home thats in a good area and paid off, or at least close to it. a sturdy car that is comfortable to drive and kind of pretty to look at. oh, and paid off. i need to feel good about leaving the house and most importantly coming home. i dont want do dread doing either. i want money in the bank so i dont have to freak out if there is an emergency. i want to be able to go to a doctor when ever i want/need to. i want things to keep me entertained when im too lazy to do anything. i want a not-so-annoying social life. i want to be invited to things and be able to decide whether or not i want to go, without feeling bad about not wanting to be a part of everything. i waaant... lots of things. not too much, though. mostly its just to feel safe. ive felt that before so i know its possible to feel safe in other ways, but this is the easiest for me. in this respect i know exactly what i want. its what ive always wanted and its what i want to give to my children. i want them to feel safe and not have to live in cars, homeless shelters n shit like that. its not like its too much of a difficult thing to be able to provide for myself and my family, it just seems like it will be forever till i can. going to school for years and years seems to push it back even further. its easier for me to just say "fuck it. ill just do this and save as much as i can then pay off loans forever", cause at least then i can see myself getting closer to something with every pay check. right now it just feels like im sitting around, wasting time. even though i know ill be able to get a job when im done with school. and i know ill be able to continue school and not be completely broke while doing so. ill be able to take courses that im interested in, rather than ones i need to get me closer to that degree. for a while at least. heh. im young now. i want to be able to do things i enjoy NOW and feel safe NOW, not when im forty. of course, im just bitching for nothing cause there are 12345612345624 things i could do right now that would make me happy. like drive around looking all the cute houses with pretty christmas lights, visiting someone i havent seen a long time, or just take and aspirin and filling my belly with good food. but you always want what you havent got. or some shit like that.
ummm, where has my... the key left to the 1 on my keyboard gone? what the hell was that key anyway? tilde and... something else. oh well.
hahaha. ive been sending email back and forth at this school about a class im interested in. i thought she was taking forever to get back to me but her mail just got lost underneath all the others. anyhow, in closing she said "Again, thank you for your email and I look forward to seeing you in class.". she should end all her email like that, but thats the first time shes has. guess shes pretty confident im gonna be there. heh. i like to ask questions and im too lazy to leave the house :oP
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