i think i am losing my mind. today has been so fucked up. first i made it so people cant comment on my journal anymore cause i thought that maybe if people couldnt comment on my journal id get bored with the whole thing and stop using it. then i decided i wanted to get rid of my journal but still wanted to be able to read my friends list, so i put up a page saying it was deleted. then i thought "what good does that do? that just tells the people who read drom the main url not to waste their time anymore". i dont know what the hell is wrong with me. while i was in school i wanted it to be over so bad, but now that it is i dont know what to do with myself. its only been a few days, but at least it least it gave me something to do. i dont know what im gonna do for xmas. i dont want to be home for that day, but i dont know where i can go. i need to stay away from my computer. especially now that christmas and new years are only a few days away. i was fine then all of a sudden i started to go nutty. i probably should have gotten drunk tonight. how pathetic is that? really fuckin pathetic and im making myself sick. i need to do something fun that doesnt require the damage of more brain cells. i wanna move. dont know where. i should have planned a trip to somewhere before school starts. i already owe so much money on my credit card, whats a few thousand more, eh? it probably would have been good for me. oh well, too late now. fuck. what the hell is my problem. maybe i should just go to sleep.